Dealing With Marriage Proposal Rejection
She was the woman of your dreams, and you were certain she’d say yes. You had the perfect proposal planned, the most expensive ring you could afford. You even sought out the help of a psychic, who assured you that great things were in your future. You did everything right…
But she still said no. Ouch! Now everyone you told, or those who witnessed the big moment, are giving you pitying looks every time they see you. You hear whispers of, “She turned it down. Yeah, I wouldn’t wanna be him now…” You don’t want to be you now, either.
Rejection in any form sucks and hurts like hell; it feels as though it’s the end of the world. You know it isn’t, but it might as well be – that’s what it feels like having your heart crushed. This is perfectly normal, but sooner or later, you’ll have to pick yourself up.
How do you do that?
Glad you asked. Here are 6 essential steps to help you recover after a partner turns down your marriage proposal.
1. Find Out Why
Before you go making a voodoo doll of your beloved and sticking pins in it, you should find out why she rejected your proposal. There’s a chance – quite a large one, actually – that she isn’t rejecting you or the relationship per se; she’s rejecting a situation that isn’t right for her.
Women reject proposals for many reasons, and they don’t always have to do with how they feel about their men. It could be that your timing sucks – she might have a lot going on in her life and can’t focus on marriage right now. Or maybe she thinks it’s too soon: if you’ve only been dating for a short time, you shouldn’t be surprised.
Talk to her. This doesn’t have to spell the end of your relationship. I know you probably can’t look at her right now without seeing her betrayal, but you owe it to yourself to find out why.
2. Grieve
If your relationship is over, and she’s not just waiting for a better time to marry you, then you need to give yourself time to grieve. Unless you’re a sociopath, you’re going to be upset after being rejected by someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.
You need time to wallow in your misery and hate the world and everything in it. Be prepared to go through the 5 stages of grief, just as you would if you lost someone to the eternal sleep. Pig out on fatty food, play video games, watch action movies where things get blown up, write dark poetry… do whatever it takes to heal.
While no one can really tell you what a healthy grieving period is, I can tell you what it is not. You should not be moping around the house months later, stick thin and filthy, having not showered or eaten in forever. Man up and get back to being your awesome self.
3. Do Some Introspection
Once you’re done grieving, it’s time to do some soul-searching. I’m afraid you might not like this step, because it involves asking tough questions, the principal of which is: are you marriage material?
Hopefully your (ex)-partner shed some light on why she turned you down, but if she didn’t, and you’re left wondering why an awesome guy like you would ever be rejected, you should consider if you’re someone worth marrying.
Hear me out.
Are you where you want to be financially, emotionally, and physically? Are you proposing for the right reasons? A woman will spot a faker a mile away. So if she’s a proponent of celibacy before marriage, and here you come trying to get her down the isle so you can get into her underwear, she’ll see right through you.
It could be that she’s ready for marriage, but she deems you unfit, at least presently. The only way you’ll know for sure is if you take a deep look inside yourself. Be honest, what do you see – husband material, or waste material?
4. Move On
Eventually, when all the wounds have healed and the mention of your ex’s name no longer makes you want to throw up, you should move on. Moving on is done in a few ways:
Work on improving yourself
If you discovered any negative attributes in step 3 that might have led to the proposal rejection, now’s the time to work on them. Become more reliable, make more money, think like a husband, that sort of thing. There’s always room for improvement.
Forgive her
Whether you decided to stay together or not, you’re going to have to forgive her, so you can let go of the hurt. Hating her for not seeing how much of a prize you are isn’t going to make you feel better, and you’ll only end up carrying that bitterness into your new relationships.
Find someone new
Only you know when it’s time to get back out there. Don’t rush this part if you’re not ready. You’re not on the clock.
5. Don’t Lose Your Confidence
Well, that’s easier said than done, isn’t it?
Rejection makes you doubt yourself, and it should – sometimes you are to blame. However, that doesn’t mean you should beat yourself up about it. There’s also the possibility that she just wasn’t The One, and the next woman will snatch that engagement ring from you before you’re able to make your grand speech.
More and more men are choosing to forgo marriage altogether, opting for cohabitation. Many women still desire the wedding, the husband, and the ring, so the fact that you’re marriage-minded gives you brownie points right off the bat.
Even if you do need to work on yourself, know that you’ll come out of this much stronger – a more lucrative package wrapped in Teflon skin.
6. Try Again Later
You’re going to get married even if it kills you, goddammit! Even if you have to marry yourself, though hopefully it won’t come to that (“sologamy” is legal in some places, if that helps).
Your ex, the monster who tore your heart from your chest and stamped on it with her kitten heels, is just one person. If it wasn’t meant to be with her, you’ll get another shot. Proposals aren’t like Bitcoin – there isn’t a finite amount. You could propose to every woman you date, if you wanted to (though I’d advise against this. You’ll be in for more rejection).
In order to avoid being rejected again, feel your lady out, get to really know her and see if she’s receptive to marriage. These are conversations you should be having early on in the relationship, so you both know where the other stands. Any woman who isn’t interested in broaching the subject probably isn’t one you should be wasting your time with.
Only once you and she are truly ready should you pop the question. Don’t rush.
