Is 6 Months Too Soon To Get Engaged?
Have you ever had that feeling where you felt in your gut you wanted to marry your person? Somehow you knew this person was the one for you. How soon did you get that feeling? Did it come on quickly or was it a slow burn?
Usually, the logical next step in a serious relationship is to get engaged. But the question then becomes, how soon is too soon? Or, is there even such a thing as getting engaged too quickly?
Experts say the “perfect” time to get engaged is 3-6 months into a relationship (keep in mind it’s still different for everyone, nothing is truly perfect). This is because it tends to be around the time the lust starts to wear off and the real feelings begin to emerge.
It’s also the point where most people begin thinking about the next steps, or if it’s time to end it. By now, in theory, you should know if they’re right for you (or you’ve gotten so sick of them you’ve been secretly plotting their demise).
Every couple is different. There’s no hard and fast rule about when is the perfect time to get engaged.
That said, here are 9 things to consider if you’re thinking about taking your relationship to the engagement level at such an early stage.
1. Am I really in love?
This is a question only you can truly answer. When it comes down to it, there are no rules. No perfect timeline. If six months feels like the best time to get engaged, do it! If you need longer, go for it!
As long as you love the person and in your gut you know it’s the right move…have at it.
2. Have you met each other’s family? Are you comfortable with them?
Typically, when a couple gets engaged the family would know about it, or have already met the significant other.
If you’re considering getting married quickly, this may not be the case. But if family is important to both of you, take a few moments to talk about their role in your relationship.
Remember, it won’t just be your partner you’re marrying, you’re inheriting their crazy relatives, too! His overbearing mother; her bigoted uncle with the wonky eye. Just saying.
3. Are you guys past the “honeymoon phase”?
If you are considering getting engaged in a timely manner, this may be the most important thing for you to think about.
Like I said in the intro, the honeymoon phase of a relationship is typically the first 3-6 months. Everything seems magical during this stage, and the infatuation can cloud your judgment.
Take time to process if this relationship can truly last the test of time or if this is just something good for the moment. If it still feels real after the rose-colored glasses come off, that’s a good sign to continue.
4. Have you attempted living together?
This is another big one that can make or break a relationship.
So let’s be like really real…you don’t actually know someone until you see what they’re like in their own home. If you want to get engaged, the best thing you can do is a move-in trial (if you don’t already live together).
If you can’t co-exist peacefully under the same roof (after working out the kinks, of course), that’s a good sign it’s either way too soon to get engaged and you both need time to grow as people, or this relationship just isn’t a good match.
5. How is the communication?
Relationships are all about communication. Couples that have the tools and understanding to address the inevitable challenges that will arise are not only more likely to stay together but to enjoy themselves when in each other’s company.
You’ll fight, you’ll argue – that comes with the territory. It’s not even always important what the fight is about, the important thing is how you find a resolution as a pair.
This will be a good test as to whether or not you both are ready for the next step – marriage.
6. Do you have enough shared interests and values?
This is two-fold. If you have only been together for a short time, you may not know a whole lot about your partner (because all the skeletons have yet to tumble out of their closet).
While it may not be important to know your partner’s opinion about wearing white after Labor Day in order to get married, it is important to know where they stand on things like kids, finances, work/life balance. Ya know, the big stuff.
There is also the matter of if you have anything in common. Do you have enough shared hobbies/interests to keep the two of you interested when the honeymoon haze as warn off?
7. Satisfaction in the bedroom department
Are you comfortable in the bedroom with this person?
It’s often said that a healthy and active sex life is an integral part of a happy/healthy marriage. If you’re going to marry someone, make sure you are completely comfortable and satisfied in this aspect of your relationship.
And don’t ever let anyone tell you this isn’t an important consideration, because it totally is!
Too boring, too demanding, or just too kinky for your particular sensibilities – if any of these are true and you ignore them now, don’t expect things to improve once you’re engaged/married.
8. Is this the best you can do?
Being engaged is awesome and everything, but you might be shooting yourself in the foot if you haven’t thought this through properly.
What if this person isn’t right for you, but the right person does come along and sees that you’re engaged? That’s going to scare off any potential suitors (soulmates included).
Taking yourself off the market prematurely could mean that you miss out on finding the love of your life, assuming your current partner isn’t that.
9. Why the rush?
If you’re getting engaged this early into a relationship, you need to ask yourself why there’s a rush.
Whether you’re the proposer or the one being proposed to, there should be a pure and honest motive for why you’re in such a hurry.
As long as the speedy proposal and acceptance come from a genuine place, you should be fine.
Long engagements are a thing – and a good thing, at that
6 months isn’t necessarily too soon to get engaged, because a quick engagement doesn’t mean you have to get married quickly.
The engagement is simply the promise of your intention to marry someone in the future, but who’s to say how far in the future that has to be?
You could, in theory, be engaged for several years before a wedding date is set. This, in my humble opinion, is a great middle ground for those who want to get engaged rapidly but aren’t quite ready to get married.
It says, “This is the person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life, so haters back off – we’re taken,” or words to that effect.
By prolonging the actual wedding, you’ll be able to focus on really getting to know each other, and can avoid the messiness of divorce if you eventually decide it’s not working out.