Help! My Boyfriend Is Quiet And Boring
You probably thought you were being smart when you went for the quiet, bookish type who would treat you well and never argue back, right?
A guy that wouldn’t embarrass you at parties because, well, he’s too boring to go to any; so you go alone, leave him at home, where he can’t cramp your style.
A guy that, when he does finally speak, his topics are insipid.
Someone somewhere (probably an unmarried aunt) once told you that this type of guy was a safe bet; husband material. And you listened.
Now you’ve gone and bagged yourself a guy so boring he makes watching the washing machine spin look like a day at a theme park. Perhaps he wasn’t always like this, or maybe he was and you’re just now realizing what a bore he is. Whatever the case, it’s starting to affect your relationship.
Does your boyfriend have one or more of the following characteristics:
Is he obsessed with some weird pastime that only he and, like, one other person in the world finds interesting? Or is it something you have zero interest in and makes you seriously question what you saw in him in the first place?
Is he wrapped up in sports and constantly bores you with stats that mean nothing to you?
Politics Turns Him On
Is he into politics and seems to know the names of government officials better than he knows the names of your family members?
Lights Are On, Nobody’s Home
Does he have zero reaction and no opinion when you’re watching something interesting together on TV? He sees Freddy Kruger show up in someone’s bedroom and doesn’t bat an eyelid?
Same Old, Same Old
Is he disinterested in trying new things, whether it be traveling to new countries, eating at different restaurants, or buying a pair of socks that aren’t black?
Does he simply go along with whatever you say just so he doesn’t have to expend any effort disagreeing with you (okay, so this one isn’t so bad. I’d actually like this one very much myself)?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of those, then the good news is, you’re not alone. In fact, these are common laments of women the world over. Turns out that boring boyfriends are universal, and they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and nationalities.
Here are a few things you can do to keep the relationship (and yourself) alive, so you don’t die of boredom every time you look at your boyfriend.
1. Fake Interest in His Hobbies
Chances are, you’ve had to fake a lot of things in this relationship already (hint hint), so pretending to be interested in the things he likes shouldn’t be difficult for you. You and he both know you couldn’t give a damn about anything he’s blabbering about, but it’s the thought that counts. He’ll appreciate the effort.
You might need to zone out and think about fun stuff in order to prevent yourself screaming at him to shut up. Throw in some smiling, nodding, and don’t forget the wide-eyed look of surprise (they love that kind of thing).
Warning: Be prepared for the torture to continue once he thinks he’s got your attention.
2. Ask Questions
It may be that your lack of enthusiasm in his hobbies stems from your lack of knowledge. If you ask him some simple questions every now and then, you’ll gain a better understanding, see things from his perspective. And who knows, you might end up liking his hobbies, too. Unlikely, but we all live in hope.
Asking regular questions to a quiet boyfriend is also a good way to get him talking. Maybe he doesn’t think you want to hear his opinion, so he keeps schtum. By encouraging a discussion, you’ll learn so much more about each other; and if you do this enough, it might even stick.
3. Use it to Your Advantage
Men usually know when they’re boring – many of them take pride in it. If your boyfriend is self-aware, you can use this to your advantage and get whatever you want out of him, in exchange for putting up with him.
If you sense one of his long-winded speeches coming, you can simply stop him and suggest that he does something nice for you while he waxes lyrical. Take this opportunity to ask him to wash the dishes, give you a massage, or make the dinner. This way everyone’s happy: the housework gets done, dinner gets made, and he gets to chat away. Your boredom is a small price to pay for all of that.
4. Try to Incorporate His Hobbies into Yours
Whenever possible, try to find things you can do together that incorporate both his and your hobbies. If you like traveling, for instance, and he’s fond of bird-watching, this would be a great incentive for him to take trips abroad with you, where exotic birds await him.
He’s a sports fan? Well, watch a game with him sometime, then secretly drool over all the hot, athletic men. “That was a really good pass” = “that guy’s got a really nice ass!” He’ll never know the difference.
5. Bore the Sucker Back
He might not know how it feels to be bored by the person you love; after all, he’s with you, and you’re the life and soul of every party. Well maybe it’s time he learned; maybe you should play him at his own game.
When he’s being his usual, monotonous self, instead of trying to fill the silence with your own voice, go long periods without talking. Eventually he’ll see how it feels to be on the receiving end.
Or, when he launches into one of his regular one-sided discussions about some boring topic of his choosing, launch into your own equally boring discussion. Talk extensively about the different colors that lipstick comes in, and which companies make the best shades. Anything girly and wholly irrelevant to him. He’ll soon get the message.
6. Drop Hints That He’ll Be Replaced
If his lack of a personality is down to him not putting enough effort into the relationship, consider dropping subtle hints that, if he doesn’t get his act together, you’ll be looking for his replacement.
But don’t overdo it! The last thing I want is you pushing him away, and then coming back here blaming me for destroying your relationship. When I say subtle, I mean just enough for him to realize you’re dissatisfied.
It doesn’t hurt to occasionally remind our significant other about that perfect couple across the street who do everything together and are always happy. Just saying.
7. Accept Him For The Big, Quiet Bore He Is
There must have been a reason why you chose him, why you fell in love with him. You should focus on his good qualities while you’re sitting there watching him, wondering how someone with a pulse can be so boring.
You can’t change him, and it’s not fair to try, especially if you met him this way. If this is who he’s always been, he’s content, and you love him, then you need to accept him, warts and all.
We all have our flaws, and there will always be something that annoys us about our partners. This doesn’t have to spell disaster for a relationship. Depending on what type of personality you have, a quiet, boring partner might be the best thing for you, as he could create balance.
Loud, vivacious women tend to attract quiet men who like women with the qualities they lack themselves. A quieter partner, likewise, can help to tone you down a little, which might not be a bad thing.