Why Do I Have The Urge To Cheat On My Husband?
You’re probably aware that if you’ve found yourself asking this question, you’re already in trouble. The simple fact is, happily married women have many urges, but the urge to cheat on their husband isn’t one of them.
Men differ from women in that infidelity isn’t so much about emotions as it is about opportunity and instant gratification. Most women, on the other hand, put a little more thought into their infidelity; they like theirs with a side helping of deeper emotional connection.
Additionally, a woman’s urge to cheat is more often than not indicative of a problem in her marriage, one that she’s either aware of and can’t face, or she’s oblivious and needs help uncovering.
Well, that’s what I’m here for. And while I can’t talk you out of cheating (I’m not in the soul-saving business. Go talk to your priest), I’ll certainly show you how you got here.
Reasons Why Women Cheat on Their Husbands
You’ve Fallen Out of Love With Him
One of the most common reasons for a woman to cheat is that she no longer loves her husband, and has checked out emotionally. It’s a sad reality of marriage, but some people simply fall out of love with each other, and there’s really nothing anyone can do about it. It’s no one’s fault, and you’re probably both still nice people, but the love just isn’t there anymore.
Trouble is, instead of sitting your poor husband down and telling him that
he sucks now you’ve stopped loving him, you’re first thought is to cheat. Give the guy a break and let him know he’s no longer the ying to your yang (and that your yang is looking for some new ying now).
You’ve Lost Respect For Him
Has your husband lost his job recently, or been humiliated in front of you? Was he beaten up and robbed by a bunch of nine-year-olds selling Girl Scout Cookies? Has anything happened that has lowered him in your estimation?
Losing respect for a spouse can be the death knell in a marriage, because once respect is lost, parties feel free to do as they please, disregarding the feelings of their husband or wife.
In your eyes, he’s a failure, and those who fail shouldn’t be rewarded with fidelity. You’re essentially punishing him for being a loser, however warranted that is.
He Isn’t Fulfilling Your Needs
As previously stated, when women cheat, they usually do so for emotional reasons – their husband simply isn’t fulfilling their emotional needs.
Maybe he’s too busy (working so he can buy you nice things that you’ll then wear to your secret rendezvouses with his replacement). Or is it that he’s become too distant and you’re not connecting on a spiritual level? If it feels like there’s only one person in the marriage, it’s only a matter of time before you start acting single.
When it comes to matters of intimacy, a marriage can quickly turn sour if certain needs aren’t being met. You’ve made a commitment to be with one person for the rest of your life, so the least that person can do is satisfy you, right?!
Although it’s natural for sex to decrease in marriage after a while, that doesn’t mean it should stop altogether. And just because you love vanilla ice-cream, doesn’t mean you like vanilla sex! A boring sex life is a curse for many married women. Sometimes it’s easier to cheat than to tell him his sex isn’t on fire.
There are plenty of toys designed just for women in your situation. Avail yourself of them, if you haven’t already discovered the joys of battery-powered (and now USB-powered) adult gadgets. This could quell your cravings.
Has your husband been unfaithful before, and you’ve been unable to forget the sordid incident? Whilst revenge is perhaps the most asinine reason to have an affair, it’s also a pretty common (and human) response to being cheated on.
You remember the pain like it happened just five minutes ago, and you can’t let it go, despite insisting you’ve forgiven him. So now you find yourself wanting to inflict the same pain on him.
You’ve probably already picked out the guy you’ll use for your revenge affair. Someone he knows well – best friends, brothers and cousins are usually good choices to really twist the knife in. You don’t even have to like the guy.
Warning: you’re not going to feel any better if you cheat as retaliation, and you might end up destroying a marriage that, if given enough time, could have been saved.
You Miss Being Single
Marriage and long-term relationships can often make us miss the single life (how quickly we forget what a bloodbath it was navigating the cruel seas of the dating world).
Every now and then, we yearn for the thrill of being single, carefree, and back on the market. Getting attention from a man who isn’t your husband can make you feel alive again, like you’ve still got it.
Maybe you see your single friends having fun, while you’re stuck at home sleeping with the same man every night, having seen the same… parts so many times you could draw them from memory. You crave variety.
You Want a Divorce, But You Want Him to Initiate it
It may sound bizarre, but some people have a hard time ending things, so they become jerks in order to encourage their partner or spouse to break up with them.
Perhaps you want to avoid the hassle of explaining yourself, or maybe you’re OCD about seeing things through to the bitter end. Who knows? In any case, you think that cheating gets you out of your marriage easier than asking for a divorce.
If this applies to you, what happens when he decides to forgive you? Are you going to stay unhappily married until one of you croaks?
The Other Guy is Simply Irresistible
Less common for women, but perhaps it has nothing to do with your husband at all, and you’ve got your eye on some buff guy candy that gets you hot and bothered and needing to take several cold showers.
Maybe the other guy is Mr Right and he came along at the wrong time… You’re constantly thinking that if you’d waited a little longer before marrying old whatshisface, you would now be free for Dream Guy.
If you still love your husband but are lusting over someone else, you have to ask yourself if a fling with Abs McAbsy is worth breaking up your marriage.
So where do you go from here?
I’m sure you already know this and don’t need some rando on the internet to spell it out for you: no matter which of the reasons above apply to you, cheating isn’t going to solve your problem. Cheating never solves anything; in fact, it usually creates more problems, and a lot of people end up getting hurt. But again, you’re a big girl, you’re aware of this.
The way I see it, you have two options, both of which involve talking to your husband:
- tell him it’s over and explain why
- tell him you’re unhappy and explain what he can do to fix that
There’s really no getting past the conversation, I’m afraid. While I can’t promise that it won’t be messy, it will be less messy than what you were planning to do.
If there are children involved, then it’s even more crucial that you don’t act on impulse and create a potentially toxic environment with parents who despise each other. Divorce can be hard on kids; but what’s even worse for them is watching their parents fighting because someone (I’m not saying any names…) decided to be unfaithful.