Why Is Online Dating So Hard For Guys? Plus Tips For Success
Online dating is a minefield that seeks to destroy everyone in its path! At least, that’s how it might seem for men, for whom the once taboo Internet dating can be an unforgiving space fraught with rejection, embellishment, and bad intentions.
If you’re a man, you’re already well aware of this, but you might not know the ins and outs of why you have such a hard time but your female counterparts don’t.
Here are 11 reasons why online dating is so hard for men.
1) Too much good competition
Women have many options and get inundated with messages; the average guy doesn’t. Unless he’s coming to the table with the types of things women desire, he’s going to have a hard time gaining traction. This can make it difficult to find any girl let alone the “right” one.
Online dating has become such a competitive field; and despite the plethora of single ladies swimming the virtual seas, only certain types of men are in demand and have access to them.
Many women, for the most part, want an alpha male, or at least that’s what they’re initially attracted to. If that’s not the box you tick, regardless of how nice a person you are, the fish won’t bite.
Which is unfortunate, seeing as most people don’t end up with the mate they want. You might very well be the type of guy your conquests settle for when their options run out, but that’s not what they’re looking for when they’re browsing profiles. It is what it is – I don’t make the rules.
2) Awful dating profile
It’s hard to get a woman’s attention when she sees that your profile is blah or sets off a bunch of red flags. You might think you’ve written a stellar profile, included all the bits you think she wants to hear, like how you cried when you watched the royal wedding, but this could be a turn off.
You should also bear in mind that women aren’t looking for the same types of things that men are when browsing. If your profile isn’t making you stand out from the crowd (in a good way), no woman will message you, because your profile gives them a sense of what it will be like dating you.
- Too long and overwritten = a conceited guy who won’t let her speak
- Too short and empty = a guy who has nothing interesting to say
- Bad spelling and grammar = future miscommunication issues
- Too much talk about what he doesn’t want = a guy who’s too negative
3) Punching above their weight
Trust me, if you’ve spotted the hot girl on the dating app, you can be sure that every other man has, too. And they’ve already bombarded her with messages. You, like most of them, seem to think you have a shot with her. In the real world, you would never approach someone like that, so why did you think you’d have better success online?
Well, now you’ve messaged her and, naturally, she didn’t respond. That’s because you and she both know she’s way out of your league – she’s so far out of it that you’re playing two completely different games!
4) Poor communication skills – not knowing how to start a conversation
This is a big turn off.
Women now expect men to come up with creative or funny messages when contacting them, which simply isn’t in most men’s wheelhouse. Many men can barely string a grammatically correct sentence together let alone be expected to make a woman laugh.
So where your looks might fail you, your witty messages should be able to pick up the slack. But if you’re frugal with your words, then you have nothing going for you, from her perspective. This will result in rejection.
5) They don’t understand the game
Online dating is a numbers game. You have to contact a lot of people and understand that only a small percentage will reply. Some women will like you; most won’t. Don’t take it personally – move on to the next woman, because there will always be more.
Increasing your odds of winning, outside of choosing wisely and writing compelling messages, will involve some level of throwing messages against the wall and seeing what sticks. Where men fail is when they get disheartened and give up after the first hurdle, not realizing that they were three feet from gold.
6) They’re afraid to be themselves
Men are oftentimes so caught up in trying to be what they think a woman wants, out of desperation, that they fail to be themselves, someone who might actually be worth talking to.
It’s akin to cat-fishing, and sooner or later you’re going to get caught out. Women want men to be honest about who they are, they don’t want all of your quirks to sneak up on them a couple of months into the relationship, if it gets that far.
You have a better chance of meeting someone real if you’re honest about who you are and what you’re looking for. You might just find that the right woman finds you.
7) They’re terrified of rejection
If you’re scared of rejection, then you might want to stay away from online dating… or dating in general… or pretty much everything in life, seeing as rejection is everywhere.
It’s part and parcel of dating, and we’ve all either been rejected or had to be the one rejecting some poor soul. The bottom line is, you can’t force anyone to like you, and we all have the right to say no to someone we’re not interested in.
You should be able to handle the situation like a gentleman and accept that she’s not interested in talking any further. Don’t display your disappointment openly either – it will only make her pity you; and in the end you still won’t get a date out of it, so what’s the point in losing your dignity?
8) They have nothing to offer
This isn’t just about finances, but character, experiences etc.
When a person doesn’t have anything going on in their lives, they’re about as unsuitable a mate as a bag of marbles. The guy who’s spent the past ten years living in his parents’ basement reading manga is not going to be attractive to a woman, unless she, too, is odd eccentric.
If there is nothing exciting or inspiring about you – a career you love, a unique hobby, travel experience, anything – then who would find you interesting? Would you find yourself interesting?
And while women don’t usually have to bring much to the table for a man who’s only interested in getting his rocks off, this isn’t the case for most men. Sex is about the easiest thing for a woman to get, easier than getting a parking ticket; they’re not generally on the lookout for that. So you need to bring your A game.
9) Women can be ruthless!
The internet has made it easier for people to be rude or say things without thinking about how their words will affect others. Sometimes rejecting a man isn’t enough, a horrible woman, in some cases, might want to ridicule him and call him names.
If adding insult to injury were a profession, women would be the CEOs in every company. It’s what they do best, and it’s no small wonder that men are fearful of this kind of interaction. Women often forget that men aren’t robots that don’t have feelings.
10) Women are less likely to message first
It’s no secret that women have the upper hand because they’re not expected to do the outreach. Their only real job is to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Thus men are left doing all the heavy lifting. Coupled with the fact that many guys don’t know how to speak to women, this leaves men in a vulnerable position.
It’s difficult to know if you’ll be wasting your time contacting a woman, which can lead to anxiety.
11) Women are cautious
Sometimes it’s not even about you, it could be about the types of men they’ve been meeting, or about the men they’re afraid to run into. They don’t know who’s behind that screen, and if they are who they say they are. With all the dangers in the world, women have to exercise extreme caution when screening men.
So if your friends and family have told you your smile is creepy, and that’s the smile you’re wearing in your profile picture, you might be giving off serial killer vibes. Even if you look like a normal guy, women will need to be completely charmed and smitten enough with you to even respond, as they’re fully aware of the dangers.
So how can a man have better success in online dating? Here are 7 tips to help men improve their chances of finding a mate:
1. Write an awesome profile
If you stand out, women will contact you, thereby removing much of the anxiety of being the first to message.
2. Be confident but not cocky
Cockiness works for handsome, rich guys who have their pick of the litter. I’m guessing that’s not you, so your approach needs to be different.
3. Show off your personality through pictures
A picture paints a thousand words. Women want to see you in your element, living life, as this shows her what type of person you are.
4. Be honest
No use lying about something that will be uncovered later. It’s best to be upfront about everything pertinent, such as any children you have, what you do for a living, that sort of thing.
5. Message people who are on your level and have similar interests
For a laugh, sure, message the bombshells, but don’t do so at the expense of contacting more suitable women. You should be honest with yourself about who is and isn’t on your level. I know your mother thinks you’re the greatest creation since the invention of the wheel, but she’s biased. Don’t listen to her.
6. Write interesting messages
Put effort into writing compelling messages that will grab a woman’s attention and show her that you really read her profile. Women love it when men show a genuine interest in them and what they have to say.
7. Don’t give up
Online dating is a battle of attrition. You might have to send a lot of messages and go on a lot of dates before you find someone worth hanging up your boots for. Be prepared for that.