11 Signs You Will Never Get Married
The fairytales and movies tell us that all relationships should lead to marriage (yet Disney forgot to inform us that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Yeah, thanks a lot, Disney! But that’s a story for another day).
The fact is: marriage isn’t for everyone. So what if you’re among a growing number of people for whom marriage simply isn’t in the cards? How do you know you fall into this group of pariahs?
Here are 11 signs that you’ll never get married. Individually, they aren’t cause for alarm, but if several apply, then yeah, you probably won’t be walking down the isle in this lifetime.
1. Being Your Own Boss Rocks
Who doesn’t love being independent and making their own decisions, without having to answer to another person? We waited so freakin’ long to grow up so we could do what we want; the last thing we need is some schmuck bossing us around like we’re kids! Amirite?
Marriage involves compromise (miserable couples everywhere will swear that’s all it involves). Once you sign that contract, you’ve basically agreed to give up full autonomy to your husband or wife.
If having an omnipotent spouse isn’t your cup of tea, and the idea of compromising makes your stomach ache, then this might be a sign that marriage isn’t for you.
2. Happily Ever After Doesn’t Need a Ring
When most people think about living happily ever after, 9 times out of 10 that involves a wedding. You don’t usually see the prince and princess living happily ever after outside of wedlock; that’s not considered “proper”.
If you can envision your happily ever after without the ring and the contract, and you’re perfectly satisfied with this image, then you’re probably never going to deem it necessary to take the bold step to get married.
3. Marriage is Archaic
The times, they are a-changing. What used to be considered correct is now looked upon as archaic, done by dinosaurs. And we all know what happened to them…
Marriage and its importance in society have changed over the years, both in the hearts and minds of the people, and in the law. Not so long ago, an unmarried couple living together would have been labeled sinners (by weird people with way too much time on their hands).
If you subscribe to the belief that in today’s society marriage is an outdated way of expressing your love for and commitment to another person, then you likely won’t ever feel the need to do it.
4. Commitment Scares the Bejeezus Out of You
Commitment phobia is a real thing! Or so you’ve managed to convince yourself. You’ve even come up with a hard-to-pronounce Latin word to describe your affliction.
Perhaps the word “commitment” makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Or you come up in hives when you think about entering into a lifelong contract with one person. Trust me, I know the feeling. I get spooked just setting up direct debits!
If this life-changing decision that’s pretty darn permanent and difficult to get out of (like a deal with the Devil) gives you nightmares, then that’s a sure sign you’ll never get married.
5. Cohabitation For the Win
It feels like marriage and looks like marriage, but it isn’t – such is the beauty of cohabitation. You get to enjoy all the ‘perks’ of being with someone longterm without the stress of making it official.
What’s more, in many countries and states, the law recognizes common law husbands and wives, and in some cases, awards them the same rights as married couples.
So if you’re cohabiting, and you fail to see the difference between what you’re doing vs what Susie and John across the street – who’ve been married twenty-five years (and have hated each other for twenty-four) – are doing, then that’s yet another sign you won’t get married.
6. Single and Ready to Stay That Way
Your life is far less complicated without a partner of any kind, and you don’t see any desire to change that. You do what you want when you want, you’ve surrounded yourself with fun-loving friends (the platonic and not-so platonic kind), and you get to focus on the things that matter to you, like your career, your family, saving the planet, watching paint dry… you know, all those things single people love to do.
If this way of life is appealing to you, more appealing than performing marital duties and sharing your life with someone, then chances are you’ll never marry.
7. Marriage Changes People
You might have heard it said that marriage changes people. “Bob was amazing while we were dating, then he turned into a lazy slob!” Or, “Annie used to cook four times a week, but now she uses the oven to store all the plates she refuses to wash!”
Change could be a good thing or a bad thing. Some people become more reliable when married; others… well, they make divorce lawyers rich.
Afraid to take that risk with your relationship? That’s a clear sign, my friend.
8. More Cons Than Pros
Have you considered the pros and cons of getting married, and found that there are more negatives than positives? Do the cons far outweigh the pros?
Here’s the thing: for the person who wants to get married, and who will get married, cons almost never outweigh the pros. Cons don’t even factor into their decision. So if you’re focusing on those things, this marriage thing simply isn’t for you.
9. Weddings Aren’t Appealing
Along with the birth of their children, weddings are supposed to be the most joyous event in a couple’s life. I mean, so what if planning the big day sends you to the loony bin? It’s all totally worth it…
Except if you hate them! You hate the hoopla surrounding them, and all the money they require. You hate white dresses. You hate Pachelbel’s Canon in D that seems to play in every goddamned romantic comedy. You hate the idea of reception speeches (and fear the embarrassing things your loved ones might bring up).
Eloping is an option, but you hate that idea, too, because that still involves exchanging badly written vows, which, surprise surprise, also doesn’t appeal to you.
So what’s a person to do? We’re 9 signs in, I think you know the answer already.
10. “I’ll Get Married When…”
If you have a laundry list of conditions that need to be met before you can jump the ol’ broom, this also might result in you never getting married. The wait could last forever, if the conditions take a long time to meet.
A list that grows longer every week, with impossible conditions, could also be you stalling and putting off something you really don’t want to do. If you’re waiting until your older sister gets married, and you don’t have an older sister, that’s your way of indicating that you have no intention of getting married.
11. Divorce on the Brain
Planning in case the unthinkable happens is prudent. Prenuptial agreements and custody arrangements, for example, are good to have in place before you get married. Knowing how much you stand to inherit when your rich, 98-year-old spouse-to-be croaks is your God-given right.
But if the marriage breaking down is all you think about, and divorce is never far from your mind, then you’re simply not approaching marriage with the right attitude. If you can’t change this way of thinking, you’re likely not cut out for it.
How many of the signs apply to you?
If you really want to get married, but you found yourself agreeing with several signs, there’s no need to panic.
The good thing about human beings is that we have the ability to adapt. We’ll make the necessary changes for the things that matter to us. So if marriage is something you crave, then you’ll do what it takes to make that a reality. This might involve learning to compromise, accommodating different beliefs, working on your commitment issues, etc.
Or maybe you ticked so many boxes because you’re not yet ready to get married. Maybe you haven’t found that special person that will change your stance on marriage; but when you do, you’ll sprint down that isle so fast you’ll give Usain Bolt a run for his money.
If, however, you’re content knowing marriage isn’t in the horizon for you, and you have no intention of changing in order to prepare for it, then as you were.