9 Signs Your Husband Is Irresponsible
All women want to believe that they’ve married dream-guy. For a small selection, that might be the case, but for others, dream-guy has turned into a nightmare from which they cannot wake. Like Freddy Krueger, only he’s there 24-7 and snores in his sleep.
Okay, so while comparing your irresponsible husband to a crazed killer from a horror movie is a bit of a stretch, there probably have been times when his actions have caused you to want to exorcise him out of existence.
Perhaps you find yourself doing more to make up for his lack of effort? Or do you have a hard time trusting him with important things because you know he’ll mess up? Or maybe you’ve officially changed your work status to “slave”, seeing as you’re the only person who does anything around the house, and no one’s paying you for your efforts?
If any of this sounds like something that might be happening in your marriage, then read on. This post will detail 9 of the most common signs that you’ve bagged yourself an irresponsible husband, and ways to deal with the situation.
1) He never helps around the house
You might find yourself doing all the cooking, cleaning and other housework. And he always has an excuse for not doing his part.
Does his back suddenly start aching but miraculously stop when it’s time to go play golf with his buddies? Not only is he irresponsible, he’s selfish; these two things go hand in hand.
2) He doesn’t take care of the kids
You didn’t make them on your own, but it feels like you did, because you seem to be the only one looking after them. If your spouse is irresponsible, he might not get them to and from school on time (or at all).
And if you’re desperate enough to leave the kids with him, it’s as if you’ve hired a ten-year-old to look after them, for all the good his presence is. Whether it’s giving them ice-cream for breakfast or letting Little Johnny run around the house with scissors, this guy acts more like one of their peers than their parents.
3) He’s always late
Turning up late to everything from his job to your kid’s soccer game is a sign that you’re dealing with an irresponsible guy. If clocks are merely wall decorations to him, and the word “punctuality” isn’t in his vocabulary, then it shows his carelessness.
4) You have to do everything for him
An irresponsible man is able to do things for himself but chooses not to. He relies on others, namely his long-suffering wife, to do what he’s unwilling to do, because in his warped mind marriage = servitude (but only when it comes to you).
If you find yourself cooking all his meals so he doesn’t starve, doing all his laundry so he doesn’t walk around naked or wearing week-old underpants, and even picking out gifts for his family members’ birthdays (how are you supposed to know what his great aunt is into?), then he’s irresponsible.
5) He can’t handle his alcohol
We all like a bit of alcohol every now and then, but most people know when to stop; most people know their limit. If you’ve ever come home from a night out with friends to find him passed out on the couch, or he wants to name your first born son Jack Daniels, then it might be time to worry.
6) He has a history of not keeping commitments
Unreliability in anyone is extremely off-putting. If you find out that he’s missed deadlines on projects at work, or he has a history of letting friends down when they need help with something important, then you might be looking at an irresponsible partner.
7) You have to remind him about everything
Forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, to take medication for his piles, and other equally important things could either be a sign that your husband has dementia, or he’s just downright irresponsible.
You have your own things to remember, and if you’re constantly having to remember all of his nonsense just so he can be a functioning member of society, then it’s bound to take its toll on you.
8) He never considers the consequences of his actions
Having no responsibility is a liberty afforded to the young and free. Your husband is neither of those things, so he shouldn’t act like his actions have no consequences.
If he’s never been too bothered about what happens and how people will react to the things he does, this shows his lack of care and a reckless attitude towards his and other people’s lives.
9) He spends frivolously
Money’s there to be spent. Nothing wrong with that. But what happens when that money is needed for rent and bills, or you’ve been saving for something important for the family, and your husband spends it on something silly without consulting you first?
This irresponsible spending can make it hard for you to put food on the table, pay the bills, keep a roof over your head. There’s a middle ground between thrifty and tightfisted; there needs to be a balance.
A good, responsible husband doesn’t spend money without thinking of his wife and family. So the new sports car he bought behind your back, the one that screams “midlife crisis”, is yet another display of how irresponsible he is.
Does any of the above sound like your husband/partner? Well, I feel for you, I really do. But all is not lost, my friend. You know your husband – you know if his heart is in the right place. We all have our flaws, and his irresponsibility doesn’t necessarily make him a bad person. A man who loves you and his family will want to change for the better.
How to cope with an irresponsible husband
1) Tell him
Be honest about how irresponsible he is being and how it makes you feel. Perhaps he’s not aware that his lack of responsibility is doing more harm than good. You might say something like:
“Honey, I feel really stressed when I have to do everything myself, or when we can’t afford groceries.”
“Honey, your reckless attitude towards your family makes me want to suffocate you in your sleep!” (No, you might want to skip this one.)
2) Stop doing things for him
When you do everything for him, he doesn’t learn how to be responsible. If you keep tying someone’s shoelaces for them without teaching them how, eventually they’ll topple over and hurt themselves. Sometimes people need to fall over before they realize they need to become self-sufficient.
3) Draw up a plan
Draw up a plan together (and make sure he’s accountable). Housework, taking care of the kids, spending, these can all be regulated. This is a subtle way of telling him he’s not pulling his weight, and that he’s making your job harder.
4) Let him suffer
He needs to suffer the consequences and fallout for his own mistakes. Don’t apologize for him, don’t clean up after him. Presumably he’s old enough to take accountability for the things he does, so let him. This will remind him that you’re his wife, not is mother.
If this means he turns up late to important events, or he misses things altogether, so be it. Just don’t let him drag you down. If you’re due to attend his sister’s wedding and he forgets to write his speech, let him suffer alone. When it’s time to deliver it and he has no idea what to say, that’s the type of embarrassment he won’t ever live down.
Men and women are supposed to complement each other, not make each other’s lives harder. You need a man you can rely on. That’s one of the cool things about being in a relationship – having someone there to support you as you make your way through this crazy world.
Don’t sit back and let him get away with being lazy or careless, because that will inevitably affect your quality of life. It’s not fair to you and it’s not good for him. If he doesn’t want to be held accountable, tell him that if he wants this relationship to work out, then he has no choice but to work on being a better man. Life is hard enough without adding his recklessness to the mix.