Knowing When To Back Off From A Guy
No one wants to be that girl. You know the type, the one who’s so smitten with some new guy that she can’t see how desperate she looks. You’ve seen her; you’ve laughed at her. You vowed you’d never, ever become her…
But then he walked into your life.
Now you can’t seem to go two minutes without wondering what he’s doing. Now you’re about one text message away from becoming his stalker. And you’re completely oblivious because… feelings.
The truth is, when you’ve fallen for someone, it’s almost impossible to exercise introspection. Emotions cloud your judgment. That’s why it’s easy for you to point out such pitiful behavior in others, but you’re blind when it comes to your own cringe-worthy actions.
Well, we’re here to help. You’ve come to the right place.
Knowing when to back off from a guy is crucial – you don’t want to come off as creepy. Because creepy isn’t sexy. You might not be aware that you’re coming on too strong, so these signs will help you realize that it’s time to back off.
He never texts you first
People like talking to the people they like talking to. It’s pretty simple. So if he’s never the one to initiate communication, it usually means you’re not someone he cares to speak to.
There’s a certain level of power one yields by not being the first to text. It gives off the impression that you’re too cool and too busy for such trivial things. Even if, in reality, you’re sitting in your studio apartment, alone, eating a family bag of chips and watching bad TV, the people texting you don’t know that.
Being the one to text first, on the other hand, makes it seem as though you have nothing else going on in your life besides the guy you’re texting. Even if that’s true, you don’t want him to know it.
His texts are always short and abrupt, like you’re bothering him
When you’re disinterested in speaking to someone, the conversation is stilted. You know this. So you should understand that when you send him paragraphs of texts, and he responds with one-word replies, like he’s just learned how to use words for the first time, it’s because he doesn’t want to talk to you.
He’s never excited to see you
If you’re not sparking an interest in him, he might come off as rude or dismissive.
It’s possible that he doesn’t want to waste your time by leading you on, so don’t take it personally. Back off if this is the case.
Because when a man wants to be in your company he’ll show it. He’ll turn up early to the meeting place, and when he sees you his smile will be huge. He’ll look like the Cheshire Cat and The Joker had a love affair and created a son together.
He treats you like a friend and never makes a move
The friend zone is a cold, dark place, where happiness goes to die! You’ve probably sent a few unlucky guys there yourself, without a second thought. And now you’ve found yourself squarely in there, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to get out.
He speaks to you like you’re his tomboyish best friend from high school, or worse, his sister. He tells you things that he would never tell a girl he’s interested in – embarrassing things, like how the bunion on his left foot has reared its ugly head again. Or that the last time he changed his sheets, people were still using dial-up Internet.
He constantly pulls away when you touch him
You’ve been wondering why every time you try to hug or kiss him he recoils away from you like you have the plague! Men usually can’t resist a woman they’re attracted to, and you making it easy for him to be intimate should, in theory, be exactly what he wants.
So if he’s taking pains to get as far away from you as possible, I don’t think he can make it any clearer that he’s not into you.
He talks about other girls in front of you
A man who brings up other women he likes in front of you is someone that doesn’t consider you a potential love interest. A couple of times at the start of your communication is okay, but if it’s a regular occurrence, and it doesn’t look as though he cares about your feelings in the matter, then take it as given that he’s not invested.
He doesn’t discuss a future with you
If he doesn’t talk about where your relationship is going (beyond to the bedroom – his or yours), or what your futures will look like together, then you need to ask yourself if he’s truly invested.
Men discuss futures with the women they can envision spending their lives with. All the other riffraff don’t get such conversations. It may be that you are seasonal, and that your season (I bet it’s winter. That’s the season no one likes) is now up.
He’s always busy
Making time for the people who are important to you is what life is about. It doesn’t matter how busy you are, how hectic your life is, you’ll fit the people you care about in somewhere.
Does your guy keep making excuses for why he can’t see you, excuses in the realm of having too much to do? A man needing space and time alone is one thing, but if he only needs space and time away from you, then it’s time to give it to him.
You do more for him than he does for you
It’s not always about material things. Spending more time on the relationship than he does is just as bad as spending money on him, neither of which you should be doing.
If this is your reality, then you need to re-evaluate your role in this partnership. Are you responsible for all of his emotional needs and physical needs, yet he barely meets any of yours? Not exactly a healthy foundation for a relationship.
You’re expendable
Although it would be nice to have someone worship the ground you walk on, that’s usually not what happens in relationships (and wouldn’t be all that healthy anyway).
What’s also not healthy is the reverse of that, i.e. feeling as though he can either take you or leave you, that your presence in his life makes very little difference to him.
A man cherishes the things that matter to him. His dog Buster, his lucky pair of boxers that he’s had since the first time he got laid, stuff like that. If these things are more important to him than you, despite all the effort you’ve put into making him happy, then it’s definitely time to retreat and reassess.
There could be a number of reasons for his total lack of commitment that have nothing to do with his feelings for you. But until you can be sure of how he really feels, it’s best to step back and let him make the moves.
How to back off in style
Don’t be so quick to text or reply
Treat your texts like gold dust, like some finite, precious metal that should only be bestowed upon a deserving person. Stagger your replies or skip them altogether. This shows him that he’s not the center of your universe.
He doesn’t need to know that you nearly broke your neck jumping out the shower when you heard a text come through from him.
Keep your options open
There’s plenty of fish in the sea. (There’s also plenty of other weird stuff in the sea, like mollusks and crustaceans, but I can see why you’d want to avoid them.) In other words, you’re spoiled for choice. You need to know this, and so does he. If he has no qualms bringing up other women in front of you, you shouldn’t have any, either.
Make it known that there are a couple of men, serious men, vying for your attention, so he realizes that you’re not going to wait around for him. Do so tactfully, of course.
Don’t make it easy for him
If anything’s worth having, it’s not obtained easily. Gone are the days of you being at his beck and call, always being available on his schedule. Let him work for you; let him prove himself. After the stunt he pulled getting you to this point, he’d better work overtime to get back into your good graces.
