10 Signs Your Husband Likes His Coworker
You sense something’s… off, but you can’t quite put your finger on what it is. Your husband is the same, only he’s not. He’s brand new, and you’re almost certain it’s not because of you.
Your gut tells you there’s someone else, and, seeing as he has no life outside of work and you, you’re left to wonder if this new someone is one of his coworkers.
Her name is likely familiar to you, but up until now you just assumed she was one of his female friends, or a friendly colleague who laughs at all of his corny jokes out of politeness.
But what if she’s not a platonic work buddy? What if, shock, horror, she genuinely finds his lame jokes funny?! What if she’s the reason why he’s been working overtime? Could the “Jack From Work” who keeps sending him texts actually be short for Jacqueline – a blonde bombshell whose legs stretch to the heavens and beyond?
Does your husband have a crush, or is he already cheating with his coworker?
Here are 10 signs to look out for, and what you should do if you want confirmation.
1) He brings her up often, even when she’s not relevant
It’s normal for your husband to mention his coworkers when you ask how work’s going, but if he brings her up at randomly and constantly talks about her in a way that suggests excessive familiarity, there might be something more there.
A man who’s newly smitten will take any opportunity to bring his crush up, and do so fondly, because she’s already occupying most of the real estate in his mind. You might be talking about taking your dog to get neutered, and suddenly he starts telling you about some unrelated thing she did.
Big red flag, if ever I saw one.
2) He calls or messages her more than he should
If your husband is texting, emailing or calling his female coworker more than he does you, his good friends, or any of his other colleagues, this could be a sign that he has feelings for her.
Theoretically, their commitments to the job should end once they leave the office, so if they’re constantly messaging each other outside of work, at silly hours, let’s just say it’s unlikely they’re discussing the best strategies to hit their monthly sales targets.
3) He acts differently when she’s around
In all the years you’ve known him, he’s done that goofy snort when he laughs. If you hadn’t fallen head over heels for him, it would have been a deal-breaker for you. But you grew to love it like you love him; you accepted it as one of his many, unalterable quirks…
So where did it go? Because you’re almost certain it disappears every time she’s in the room. In fact, all of his little flaws seem to vanish when she’s around. He seems to know exactly how to be the perfect man in her company.
He might be funnier, more serious, more interested in things you know usually bore him, stuff like that. This is his way of trying to impress her. Or it could be a little more sinister than that. If he starts belittling you in front of her or becomes easily agitated when you do something wrong, this is also a sign that something’s amiss.
4) He knows a lot about her
A man can, quite easily, forget his mother’s birthday, but when he’s smitten, he’ll remember the most frivolous details of a woman’s life. What size shoes she wears, what her favorite alcoholic beverage is, how many root canals she’s had… No one but her nearest and dearest need know this stuff.
Start to really worry if you learn that he knows intimate details about her, like the last time she got laid, or how dissatisfied she is with her partner (if she has one). There are just some things colleagues of the opposite sex shouldn’t be privy to.
5) He’s not interested in making love to you anymore
This is always a glaring sign that his heart’s not in your relationship/marriage, and one of the first signs that he might have escalated his crush to a full-blown affair.
Women don’t usually have to work hard to initiate sex with their husbands (unless they turned into Quasimodo overnight and put him off it forever). It is said that men think about sex every few minutes, so if you’re going weeks or months without getting any, he might be getting it elsewhere or feel too disgruntled to sleep with you because you’re not her.
6) He’s eager to go to work and stay late
Let’s be real, work isn’t something most people look forward to, not even those lucky few who work for themselves. Workplaces aren’t, by nature, fun.
Unless he’s working his dream job and is totally in his element, the average person will not be psyched to punch in and sit at their desk all day. So there’s probably a more nefarious reason why he’s started joyously singing in the shower as he gets ready for the ol’ 9-5. He might just be looking forward to spending time with her at the office.
If he’s suddenly committed to doing more overtime, or going in earlier than he once did, it might not be financial incentive driving him.
7) He avoids bringing her name up
If he’s avoiding the topic of his coworker, either in conversation or by not mentioning her when you ask him about work, then that could be a sign. Going from mentioning her often to not mentioning her at all usually indicates that things have progressed between them. Pay attention to that.
He doesn’t want to bring her up because he’s afraid his guilt will show. When feelings are involved, they’re difficult to hide. He thinks you’ll smell a rat.
It could also be that he finds it disrespectful to mention her name to you when he knows how he feels about her.
8) He’s unhappy when he comes home from work
Nope, he’s not necessarily deranged, don’t call the people in white coats just yet. This is completely in line with a man who’s checked out and has wandering eyes. Home should be his happy place, his place to unwind, unfasten his tie, and let his hair down. You are supposed to be someone he’s excited to come home to.
If he walks through the door every evening looking crestfallen, like he just found out he has a terminal illness, and seeing you doesn’t lift his spirits, then what truly makes him happy clearly resides at the office.
Maybe he’s already unfastened his tie and let his hair down someplace else…
9) He puts more effort into his appearance when going to work
If he’s suddenly shaving more often, wearing nicer clothes, dousing himself in cologne just to go to work, then chances are he’s trying to impress somewhere there.
You’ll recognize this sign because presumably he’ll have stopped making the effort with you. She gets eau de cologne, and you get eau de body odor!
10) He doesn’t want you to meet her
When he doesn’t want you to meet this particular female coworker, it could be for a number of reasons:
- he’s scared you’ll share some embarrassing detail about him, which could turn her off him
- he knows that when you see her you’ll start to suspect that he has feelings for her, or that she’s someone you need to be worried about
- he’s concerned it will make it hard for her to cheat with him now that she’s met you
He’ll do everything he can to stop you meeting each other, including not inviting you to work functions or letting you visit him at the office.
Either way, if he’s adamant about you not meeting each other, this should sound the alarm bells, especially if you’ve met some of his other coworkers and he had none of the same reservations.
So, those are some of the signs your husband has a crush on one of his coworkers. Now, short of asking him outright and forcing him to lie in order to spare your feelings, there are a few things you can do to confirm your suspicions.
1) Invite her over for dinner
If there really is something going on, he’ll do everything in his power to prevent you guys meeting socially. But you must insist upon it, as this is the perfect way to see how they interact, or, more accurately, how he acts in her presence. Look out for these things:
- Does he get flustered and easily irritated?
- Does he hang on to her every word?
- Is he overly concerned about everything being perfect for her visit?
- Does he make more of an effort with his appearance than usual?
2) Say something mean about her and watch how he responds
It doesn’t have to be true, just something you know would get under his skin. If he becomes overly defensive, as though she’s his wife and not you, this shows that he takes the slight personally.
3) Suggest setting her up with someone
This will only work if she’s single. Tell your husband you have the perfect person for her, and that you should all go on a double date. A man with a crush will quickly shoot this idea down, perhaps angrily, and insist that she isn’t interested in dating anyone. In his heart, he thinks he’s the perfect person for her. It will show.
4) When all else fails, confront him
Some men, particularly the ones who accept that they have an issue and want to save their marriage, will come clean. Maybe if he knows you know, he won’t let the situation escalate, and you can talk it out.
Mere attraction isn’t always cause for concern. A little crush at work doesn’t have to spell the end of your marriage. Crushes come and go, but ultimately, once you suspect that something is going on, you need to bring it to light as soon as possible, because the not knowing will eat at you.