Will He Ever Propose? Signs He Will Never Marry You
It’s the dreaded question no woman ever wants to ask a random person on the Internet. Your dreams of the big wedding, of walking down the isle in a dress fit for a princess (and you, now that you’ve shed a few pounds) hang in the balance, but you’re afraid to ask the all important question. You’re afraid you’ve wasted your “good” years on this guy.
Signs your boyfriend will never propose let alone marry you aren’t so much hard to spot as hard to accept. You’ve probably seen many of the ones we’re going to list below, but you ignored them.
Humans, we do silly things like that, because ignorance is bliss. If he never outright rejects the idea, you can still cling to the hope that one day he’ll pop the question. But deep down you’re just not sure.
Now it’s time to face some harsh truths and ask the question that’s been on your mind since the day you met:
Will he ever marry me or am I wasting my time?
Here are 8 signs you won’t be walking down the isle any time soon, at least not with this guy.
1) You live separate lives
You might have been together for as long as movies have had sound, yet it’s as if your lives aren’t truly intertwined. He goes about his day, you go about yours, and if you didn’t live in the same house, no one would ever know you’d even met each other let alone are in a relationship.
You don’t know each other’s friends, you couldn’t pick his mother out in a lineup, and there are no joint undertakings between the two of you – like a joint tenancy, joint bills, Christmas cards addressed to you as a couple. It’s almost as though you’re both single.
2) You haven’t met his family or don’t see them often
He hasn’t taken you to meet his parents and doesn’t seem eager to do so. In some cases, he might not have even mentioned you to them, or you and they hardly know anything about each other.
If you’re to be a permanent fixture in his life, someone upon whom he hopes to bestow his family name, he’ll want you to get well acquainted with the people dearest to him. Think about it: what man intent on marrying a woman would keep her from getting to know his parents?
3) He talks about children before marriage
If he’s talking about starting a family before marriage, this is particularly troubling. You should beware of any man encouraging you to offer up your womb for his offspring and legacy, an endeavor that can be both physically and financially damaging to you.
Some (lousy) dudes think that marriage is more permanent or life-changing than creating brand new people, and so will opt out of getting married but push for their girlfriends to have their children, sans the stability marriage brings.
Do not be fooled!
If you’re hearing a lot of baby talk but no mention of a ring, this is a very clear sign that he has no intention of marrying you. At the very least he sees you as temporary, someone he doesn’t want to enter into a legally-binding contract with.
4) He has no good examples of marriage
We’re all influenced by the things we see around us. Likewise, that which we don’t see can also impact us.
If your guy grew up in a household where his married parents fought over everything from the rent to what brand of pasta to buy at the store, he may have developed a disdain for the institution of marriage.
Additionally, if he grew up in an environment where marriage was a foreign concept, he might see not getting married as the norm.
None of this is uncommon. Marriage for many who aren’t surrounded by happy couples doing it right can often feel like an abstract thing; an unattainable fantasy.
5) He has only negative things to say about marriage
This is usually an offshoot from number 4, where other people’s failures have influenced his views about marriage.
If whenever you or anyone else brings up the concept and every word that comes out of his mouth is negative, it’s very unlikely that he’ll want to enter into anything that elicits such vitriol from him.
For example, if you’re watching a romantic comedy together, where the happy couple ends up walking down the isle, and your boyfriend declares that he’d rather choose death than that… then yeah, he’s not marrying you!
6) He was married or engaged once, and didn’t take long to propose
If he proposed or got married quickly in the past, there could be a couple of reasons why he hasn’t proposed to you:
- he was more sure of the other woman than he is of you
- he doesn’t want to fail again, so he’s taking his time with you
If you’ve been waiting an age for him to make an honest woman of you, and he didn’t wait long the first time, then he probably isn’t serious, or he wants to wait until he’s sure.
It could be either of these scenarios, so this sign on its own isn’t concrete proof that he doesn’t intend to marry you.
7) He tries to convince you to settle for cohabitation
Lots of couples cohabit prior to marriage. In fact, I’d say it’s the ideal thing to do in most circumstances. Only once you’ve lived with someone long enough can you be sure they’re someone worth marrying.
Only once you’ve lived with them for a time will you spot the annoying things they can’t hide about themselves – like the angry, sometimes violent exchanges they have with antagonists in their dreams while they sleep; or how there’s always bits of dried food left on the dishes after they’ve cleaned them.
The trouble is, couples get complacent and start living as though married, without the paperwork. This can be detrimental to a woman who has her heart set on becoming a wife. If this is you, you’re probably starting to regret giving wife benefits to a man who isn’t your husband and has no plans to become it.
8) He has always been unwilling to talk about marriage
Men usually want their partners to know they’re committed, so if your guy never brings it up, it’s likely he has no intentions of doing it.
A woman who ticks all the boxes and is irreplaceable isn’t one that any man worth his salt would leave on the market. The ring, in a sense, secures you – it shows you that he’s serious, that you’re his person.
If, however, you’re not his person, you’re simply someone to pass the time with until the right one comes along, it might be time for you to look for your own person.
What to do if you’re not sure that your boyfriend wants to marry you?
Let him know what you want
The best place to start is by letting him know, if he doesn’t already, how much marriage means to you. This way you can gauge where his head’s at. If he still doesn’t offer any insight into what his plans are with regards to it, then your next move might be out of the house.
Set a deadline
Beware, however, some men will tell you one thing, hoping to string you along forever. This happens when they don’t want to lose you but also don’t want to marry you. For this reason you need to put a timer on how long you’re prepared to wait.
Consider your age, then ask yourself how long you can truly afford to wait for him to get his act together. Be ready to move on once the time has elapsed.
Inform him of the deadline
You could tell him that he has one year to propose… or else.
Or else could mean many things: you break up with him; you go on a temporary break; you move out; you chain him up in the basement, bring a shady priest in, and get him to perform the ceremony… whatever floats your boat.
I wouldn’t advise giving him an ultimatum, however (or chaining him up, even if he totally deserves it). Duress doesn’t usually go down well; no man wants to feel like he’s being forced into marriage.
If you have been talking about it and he sounds serious, then you can extend the wait. But if there are no signs that marriage is something he’s interested in, you need to be prepared to walk away, if getting married is your goal.
Is marriage necessary for you?
If you love him enough and you can still envision a future with him, maybe you can forgo marriage. Do some soul-searching, see if you can be content not getting married. It may be that you guys are perfect the way you are, and that marriage might destroy all of that (it’s been known to happen).
You need to ask yourself some difficult questions about what you’re willing to accept, and how long you’ll wait for your dreams to come true.
You also have to consider that there are other men out there who, if they meet the woman of their dreams, won’t hesitate to “put a ring on it”, so to speak. A man knows when a woman is marriage material and someone with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life. If that’s not you, you need to skedaddle.